> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.hawthreiter.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # The Multiplicity of Our Selves - URL: https://www.hawthreiter.com/the-multiplicity-of-our-selves/ - Published: 2026-07-30T19:56:01.000Z - Updated: 2026-08-20T14:14:05.000Z - Description: Join me on a meandering journey through another constellation of thoughts that might provide some fun illumination for learning more about yourself! - Author: Hawth - Tags: #Migrated-1787155092750, #Import 2026-08-19 11:58, Astral Travel, Embodied Intuition, Time walking But first, housekeeping: I’m bringing back donation-based New Moon Ritual Circles starting Aug. 12 at 7pm ET. [Sign up today](https://www.hawthreiter.com/#/portal/account/newsletters)! --- ## 🌟1🌟 Each night, as I fall asleep, I spend time meandering through my inner landscape. Sometimes, I focus on connecting my astral body with the land beneath my home, plugging into the matrix of trees and fungus and worms and dirt. Chatting about my day, asking the trees and land and dirt and worms and fungus how they’re feeling. Sometimes, I go on journeys with my guides. Hekate may steal me away to her cave for deep excavation work. Horus may take me for flight in the sky. My ancestors may ask for assistance in healing. Lately, I’ve been enjoying listening to my own thoughts. Many folks recognize that thoughts seem to pop out “out of nowhere.” For some of us, myself included, those thoughts converse with each other. I used to be scared to say that out loud. At some point, I heard someone say that talking to yourself isn’t the problem, it’s when you start responding that you need to check yourself. I respond ALL. THE. TIME. Entire conversations with multiple aspects of my self. “Yikes,” I thought. “I can’t let people know.” Just like I thought I couldn’t let people know that I could talk to animals and dead people and trees and even tech objects. That sometimes, I know what’s coming days or years or months beforehand. (There’s still a part of me scared to share this visibly, knowing the surveillance state of the country and the fact that the administration is actively “othering” folks, building detention centers to house all the “unworthy” people. Part of me is terrified that it’s immigrants now, trans folks soon, “crazy” folks soon after that.) But I’m not crazy. I just have access to more of my biology than some folks. Maybe. I hope. ## 🌟2🌟 I partook in a neurodivergent start-your-business coaching session a few weeks ago. While I’m not keen on sales, I am keen on learning how I can maintain my energy levels and hacking my neurodivergent strengths for good. The best part of the entire hour was hearing one of the facilitators talk about what it means to be a “bottom-up” thinker. I’d been hearing this thrown around and was mystified by the concept. Turns out, bottom-up thinking is my bread and butter. They gave me a metaphor (you know how [I love metaphors](https://www.hawthreiter.com/mapping-the-relational-how-metaphor/)): Bottom-up thinking is where you are really interested in all the details. All the little small marbles. There are yellow marbles and red marbles and blue-and-green marbles. And someone else has already said, okay, enough, it’s time to go do xyz, and you’re still back here, sorting your marbles. So many marbles, there’s not nearly enough time to sort, understand every single pattern each marble touches, and take action. I’m gonna build on the metaphor (pun intended), so let’s shift from marbles to kids wooden blocks. You know, the kind with letters and numbers and colors on them? Yeah. The whole world is constructed of these blocks that I see. And moving even just one block in one part of the cool castle we’re building could make the whole thing collapse, so I want to think through all the ways the blocks may interact before we take action. (Unless it’s my intuition talking. In that case, I listen immediately and do not worry about whether my actions will tumble the castle; if my gut says go, I go, and dealing with the castle crumbling is part of what needs to occur.) My wife is a top-down thinker. She sees the whole, and I see the parts. Sometimes, I know the parts I have work together and create SOMETHING, but I don’t know what the thing is. She’ll help define it. I bring her the ingredients—like last night, I said to her, “What is this called? I have a hard time understanding a concept when people **tell** it to me and I **hear** it. But if I **read** the same information, I can understand it,” and she replied, “You struggle with auditory processing!” I bring the ingredients and she tells me they make a cake. In this article, I’m bringing you ingredients. You get to decide if they are relevant to you and if they’ll make YOU a cake. ## 🌟3🌟 I saw a Thread recently where someone asked how you know you are talking with a spirit guide. Another one asked how to separate intuition from anxiety. I’ve been talking to spirits and my intuition since I was a kid; the idea of stepping back to examine the mechanisms hooked me. How DO I know? I mean, in addition to physical sensations, which I teach in [**Embodied Intuition**](https://www.hawthreiter.com/tag/embodied-intuition/). How do I know with whom I’m conversing? How do I trust what I’m hearing? It was time to start identifying and sorting the wooden blocks of my internal conversations. Given that my evening falling-asleep routine is to chat with the otherworld, I started shining a light on the creaky mechanisms inside my body. Each conversation became an observation and experiment. Could I both observe and be observed? Could I participate in the experience while analyzing the physical and internal sensations and thoughts around the experience? Yes. Mostly. Sometimes, the experience is amazing and then I remember I want to understand the mechanisms, and so I pull myself out of experiencing slightly, only to realize that the sensations are fading away, so I try to catch as much as possible before the light of consciousness breaks through. Other times, I’m able to hold myself at a distance throughout the entire process, holding space for the experience and the observation simultaneously. This practice has been fascinating. I’m learning so much about my body and my intuition. Turns out, the multiplicity of voices in my head? All the ones I had identified as a single “me?” They are distinct and separate. (Well, some are subparts of the overall “I” of me. More on that later.) There’s a voice I regularly chat with that I’ve come to understand as being the brain of my 4D body. I still don’t quite grasp how this all works, but he’s tried to explain to me. Maybe some of you are familiar with some of this. Bear with me as I attempt to explain how I understand the wooden blocks fit together to create ME. #### Wooden Block 1: My 5D Self My 5D self is the “I.” The soul. The overarching essence that can have multiple lives at multiple times. I don’t talk to them much. The way I understand it, they are beyond gender, as all souls are, but also of the feminine, because the feminine is how things are created and destroyed. I use they/them or she/her pronouns for my 5D self. It was very important to her that I was a trans man in this life. She has her own brain. I do not understand her very well at all; my 3D brain does not have the capacity or knowledge yet to interpret the information she sends. I can feel her downloads internally; it’s almost like a fax machine sending over data, but I only ever hear the wailing sound of machine and never see the actual document. (Yes, I’m old.) #### Wooden Block 2: My 4D Self My 4D self is the part of me that I work with for time-walking. My 4D self has visibility into past, present, and future, all at once. He’s explained that it’s sort of like a big oval shape of frequencies. (Maybe he’s referencing the torus field that exists around people?) Whatever is vibrating or resonating with him is what I end up doing. Or what he wants me to do. I think. Today, I’m sitting at my desk, writing. I could be or could have been just as easily grocery shopping or sewing or doing something else, but instead, the writing frequencies are what are lit up. (I’ve been using the mantra daily, “What wants to come out today?” As a way to open myself up to whatever frequency is closest and/or most needed to work with.) He also, it turns out, is how I can see peoples’ futures. I can’t always see them, and the future is never set in stone, but my 4D self can talk to your 4D self and get an idea of the direction someone is going. My 4D self has a very distinct internal voice. A distinct weightiness within my felt sense. He often feels like he’s on my right side, just ahead and just behind me. He is the main guy I converse with, the internal guide who lights the way for me or points out the map or guidebook. Ooh, he’s my internal Hermit (as in the Tarot). He’s also my internal High Priestess, Magician, and Devil. (I love a trickster.) I started asking him explicitly for help and direction. I lost an item yesterday. I started searching all over the house before realizing he probably knew where it was, and if I could just shut my 3D brain up for a bit, my 4D brain would jump in and tell me where to go. I was checking my art desk, when I felt him go, “Dude, stop being thorough. Go over to your work desk. It’s right there.” It was right there. I just had to be quiet and listen. #### Wooden Block 3: My 3D Self, the Body-Brain And then, AND THEN! I met my body-brain. Yes, I’ve talked about the mind-brain and body-brain ad nauseum and will keep doing so. I think of the body-brain as the 3D brain. This brain only has access to the information contained within the three-dimensional world. They cannot access the 4D world nor understand the 5D world. My body is the tuner and receiver for the third dimension. Not only have I identified their specific voice in my inner landscape, but I’ve been able to practice conversing with the physical body itself. It’s kind of like the conversations I have with animals or with spirits. I send out a general questioning sensation that is tagged with a variety of inputs (maybe something like images of the work I’m doing with a questioning, “hmmm?” like the buttons Bunny the dog pushes. (If you’ve never seen Bunny the dog talk, you should go look her up!)). Sometimes I get internal felt sensations (happiness, peace, longing, pain). But sometimes, my literal, physical body—without my mind-brain’s conscious interference—has begun responding. My hands might involuntarily shake a “yes” or “no.” My toes might feel a searing sense of pain (STOP MOVING ALREADY DAMMIT, he says). Not as in, oh, I’m working hard, my feet hurt. But rather as a direct response to my question. My mouth will involuntarily smile or frown. All those microexpressions humans have that we’ve trained ourselves to suppress and ignore — they are real signals from our bodies. Our bodies are asking to be included in our conversations about our choices, our health, our actions, our fears, and our desires. In addition to the involuntary movements, there’s also a voice inside that my body will use. It usually shows up as subparts of my body. Perhaps all the cells (who like to show me a picture of minions for how they see themselves) might pipe up. Or my heart might say, gravely, “Please rest.” We’ve been conditioned to ignore TF out of these messages in favor of capitalism and growth at any cost. I think my favorite crazy moment so far was the night I discovered my physical body was more than happy to talk directly with my 4D brain. I have no idea what information passed back and forth. I just know my physical body kept moving in response to some sort of download I could feel happening in my brain. #### Wooden Block 4: My Mind-Brain Okay, this is where I struggle to fully understand. Somehow, my mind-brain in this 3D body can communicate up and down the ladder — from 1D to 5D (and probably beyond, but I haven’t explored farther yet). My mind-brain is not my body-brain. They are both located in the 3D world and separate from the 4D and 5D selves. But they are not the same. So I don’t know what dimension my mind-brain really exists in. Would love insight if anyone has any. I have more digging to do here. #### Wooden Blocks 5+: Subparts I love Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. It’s a great framework for honoring and working with all the parts of yourself. In fact, my therapist views all the previous wooden blocks as subparts within my IFS. I see it differently, because I experience it differently. When Little Me or Parent Me or Judgy Me shows up, it’s an aspect of my 3D mind-brain, not an aspect of my 4D or 5D brains. But maybe I’m wrong and it’s all just 3D me. Either way, I wanna learn more! [Subscribe](#/portal/signup) ## 🌟4🌟 Am I crazy? By imperialist standards, probably. But I’ve also never felt more attuned to my Self, my calling, my body, what the universe is asking of me, what lessons I need to learn, what things I need to study, what practices I need to undertake. I’ve never had such opportunities open up and synchronicities appear. I’ve never been as in-tune with my wife, my kids, my pets. I’ve begun teasing apart the inner messages and sensations that belong to those folks in family and aren’t mine. Learning how to turn down the volume on the external inputs and turn up the volume on my internal inputs. (Especially the body-brain and 4D brain). When I truly listen to how my body was designed, when I listen to what I need and want—not what capitalism wants, what the patriarchy wants, what white supremacy wants—my life has become smoother and richer and more decadent. The world is falling to pieces and I’m just now coming together. It’s glorious. Terrifying. But glorious. ## 🌟5🌟 I hope this resonates with at least one or two folks and helps others feel like you aren’t crazy. Or that if you are, there are others out there with similar (or crazier) thoughts and frameworks! I also hope this lands in someone’s feed or inbox who has more insight. Who might be a top-down thinker, assess all the little wooden blocks I’ve done my show-and-tell with, and be able to say, “Hawth! That’s \_\_\_\_\_!” and then I have a whole new avenue of exploration to help me better understand my existence. — Hawth Reiter is a trans husband, dad, writer, animist, artist, philosopher, and threshold guide excited to be assisting the birth of the new world. Starting Aug. 12: [Donation-based New Moon Circles](https://hawthreiter.com/bookareading/p/into-the-liminal-monthly-dark-moon-circles?ref=hawthreiter.com). Dropping Sept. 23: [One-of-one divination and ritual tools and artwork](https://www.hawthreiter.com/work-with-hawth/). Learn more or work with Hawth at [HawthReiter.com](http://hawthreiter.com/?ref=hawthreiter.com). — AI Use Disclaimer: Zero AI was used in creating this post, not even as a thought partner.